The Matrix Reloaded: When Elf Clones ATTACK!
by I heart pie
Summary: Everything that has a beginning has an end. This...is neither. See Trinity get abusive! See Neo wake up some more! See just how twisted I can make this movie! OOC


A/N: I needed a change of pace, so I decided to start this. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with my other stories now (which, if you happened to have read my Soul Calibur fic, you know it's already too late). So here's chapter 1, hope you all enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Right, no Matrix ownership for me, got that?  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 1  
  
(The movie starts with the annoying freakin' bright green logos, of course. Green (again, of course) code begins falling down the screen to form the words: "The Matrix Reloaded". Then the code starts forming various shapes, including a TWO-HEADED DUCK and the words "SEVEN DAYS" written backwards in Japanese. Then the camera zooms out of…a clock, just as it strikes midnight. Security guards leave the building, clocking out on the way.)  
  
OVERLY SOCIABLE GUARD: See ya tomorrow!  
  
GUARD BEHIND TV'S: Technically, since the clock just struck midnight, it already IS tomorrow.  
  
OVERLY SOCIABLE GUARD: Yeah, well…uhh…  
  
GUARD BEHIND TV'S: Just go, and watch out for vampires.  
  
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Did somebody say VAMPIRES?  
  
WILLOW: Boo! I'm all evil again! I will destroy the world!  
  
XANDER: No, don't! I love you, Willow!  
  
WILLOW: Oh. Okay, no world destroying then.  
  
BUFFY: I HEARD A VAMPIRE! *runs away*  
  
WILLOW & XANDER: We are compelled to follow you, o great and wise slayer! *follow Buffy*  
  
(By this time, the guards have lost interest and headed outside, where a motorcycle is heard revving its engine.)  
  
MOTORCYCLE: Vroom! Vroooooom!  
  
(The motorcycle comes flying off a roof, and the rider jumps off and sends the motorcycle flying into the small security building.)  
  
BUILDING: KABLOOIE!  
  
AUDIENCE: Wow, that was a big explosion for a motorcycle…we can only assume that the motorcycle was wired with explosives and the building was surrounded by large gas canisters.  
  
SECURITY GUARD THAT LOOKS REMARKABLY LIKE BRENDAN LEONARD: Oh my Gob! Ack! Dammit, I HAD to screw up my ONE line in the ENTIRE movie!  
  
(The rider takes off her helmet, and it is revealed to be Trinity, who is wearing sunglasses. It's amazing that she could see through the incredibly tinted HELMET and her SUNGLASSES when it is, in fact, NIGHTTIME.)  
  
TRINITY: Ooh, look at me, I'm OMINOUS!  
  
(The expendable guards run at Trinity with their annoying beaty sticks. Trinity starts KICKING ASS.)  
  
TRINITY: #I wear my suuunglasses at night so I can so I can, beeeeat you…# *starts beating guards with her helmet*  
  
OBLIVIOUS DUDE IN AUDIENCE: Wow! It's almost like that fight scene was carefully CHOREOGRAPHED!  
  
TRINITY: (into cell phone) I'm in. Well, actually, I was in about a minute ago, but I didn't feel like calling you then. So…how are you doing? Yeah? Uh-huh. REALLY? WOW, that's totally AWESOME! Uh-huh. Oooh, so I have to get shot? Bummer…  
  
(Trinity turns into Matrix code and fades away. The Matrix code turns into a really big building. There is a really loud CRASH, and Trinity is seen diving out the window. An agent is chasing after her, and also jumps out the window.)  
  
TRINITY: *starts shooting up at agent while falling*  
  
AGENT: *starts shooting down at Trinity while falling*  
  
(This is all going on in super cool bullet-time, and the audience is able to see the trails of the bullets.)  
  
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHO HAS SEEN THE MOVIE BEFORE: Hmm…do you think she really thought things through when she went and jumped out that window?  
  
OTHER RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER: Man, her aim sucks!  
  
(It is eventually seen that the bullets are, in fact, going through the agent's shoulders and other VARIOUS PLACES that would not cause INSTANTANEOUS DEATH. Trinity is SHOT, has a look of EXTREME PAIN, and lands forcefully on a CAR. In the real world, Neo wakes up and walks away.)  
  
NEO: Dammit, I thought I was done with all this waking up crap…WHY MUST I SLEEP SO MUCH?!  
  
(There is some DRAMATIC MUSIC as the scene cuts to the Neb going through the TUNNELS OF THE REAL. We then see someone playing a jet fighter simulator inside. The MUSIC then gets REALLY LOUD, as if Morpheus is about to say something IMPORTANT.)  
  
MORPHEUS: Almost there.  
  
(Maybe not. Some random guy begins talking.)  
  
RANDOM GUY (AKA LINK): Sir, are you sure about this?  
  
MORPHEUS: I told you, we're gonna be all right. Cheese sandwiches only hurt when they come out of the toaster oven.  
  
LINK: Ah, yes, but what if the cheese drips inside the oven and creates the rank smell of burning cheese?  
  
MORPHEUS: Then Neo can clean it up.  
  
LINK: But sir, why would Neo do it? He's the One. Why not have Trinity do it?  
  
MORPHEUS: Because Trinity's too bad-ass to do it and it says in the prophecy that the One will clean cheesy toaster ovens.  
  
LINK: Wow, really?  
  
MORPHEUS: Yes.  
  
LINK: You know what, Morpheus?  
  
MORPHEUS: What?  
  
LINK: I wasn't talking about cheese sandwiches to begin with.  
  
MORPHEUS: Then what WERE you talking about?  
  
LINK: Sentinels.  
  
(The music gets dramatic again as Morpheus flips a switch, causing the Neb to SPIN UNCONTROLLABLY.)  
  
MORPHEUS: Hehehe, oops, wrong button…  
  
(The Neb flies upwards and lands in a SMALL TUNNEL. Link does some STUFF and turns off the POWER. Morpheus looks kinda PISSED OFF.)  
  
MORPHEUS: Link.  
  
LINK: Morpheus.  
  
TRINITY: (from the other room): Cypher…  
  
NEO: TRINITY?!  
  
GHOST OF MOUSE: Taaaaaastee Wheeeeeeaaat…  
  
SEINFELD: Hello, Newman.  
  
MORPHEUS: Link.  
  
LINK: What?! I mean…yessir?  
  
MORPHEUS: Given your situation, I can't say I understand your reasons for volunteering to operate onboard my ship. Ergo, concordantly, if you wish to continue to do so, vis-à-vis I must ask you to do one thing.  
  
LINK: What the hell did you just say? It didn't even make sense…  
  
MORPHEUS: (mumbling) Stupid Colonel Sanders gets to say funny words and not make sense, why can't I?  
  
LINK: Would you care to tell me what you said?  
  
MORPHEUS: Just saying I don't know why you're here and you need to do something for me.  
  
LINK: Okay, I'm here because of a plot device, and what is it that you want me to do?  
  
MORPHEUS: Trust me.  
  
LINK: I will, sir. I mean, I do, sir.  
  
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHA!! That was FUNNY!  
  
MORPHEUS: That's nice, now do something with the AC, the hard drives, and broadcasting.  
  
LINK: Yeah, okay.  
  
(The scene cuts to Neo drinking his nice cup of morning goopy stuff. Trinity comes through the door and sits down across from him.)  
  
TRINITY: Still can't sleep?  
  
NEO: Why, Trinity, whatever gave you THAT idea?  
  
TRINITY: You wanna talk?  
  
NEO: No.  
  
TRINITY: TALK! I COMMAND YOU!  
  
NEO: They're just dreams.  
  
TRINITY: Oh, yeah, THEY may be dreams, but I'M not, and I will not hesitate to kick your little skinny ASS!  
  
NEO: o_O  
  
TRINITY: I mean…If you're afraid of something…  
  
NEO: I just wish…  
  
TRINITY: YEAH? Well, you know what I wish?! I wish YOU would STOP INTERRUPTING ME!  
  
NEO: Okay…  
  
TRINITY: Continue.  
  
NEO: I just wish I knew what I'm supposed to do.  
  
TRINITY: Oh, that's easy; you run around, kill people, fly about unnecessarily, pull a bullet out of my dying body, and restart my heart. You don't need no Oracle to tell you THAT.  
  
NEO: Yeah, I know, you have the script.  
  
TRINITY: Eeeeexactly.  
  
LINK: Here you are.  
  
TRINITY: Are we ready to go?  
  
LINK: We're already fashionably late.  
  
TRINITY: Yay!  
  
LINK: Actually, we're past that…we're…we're…UNfasionably late.  
  
TRINITY: NOO!! What are we waiting for? Let's go!  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A/N: This is where the chapter stops, and also where you review. Sorry this one's so short…I'll try to make a longer one next time! 


End file.
